thelandoffakebelieve: Technically any zoo is a petting zoo if youre not a pussy
meladoodle: i’d like to remind the defendant that he is under oath and therefore must answer with complete honesty… do i look cute in this judge wig?
Handle your business.
Study hard, work hard, play hard. Don’t get me wrong, I love just kicking it with my friends and having a good time but it can’t all be fun and games. Do well on your assignments, tests and finals. Work hard to earn that money at your job. Always be good to the ones that love you. If you do then no one can say shit to you. Go do your thing and do it up big. Handle your business.
esexist: what if you were holding a puppy and being like “aw whos the cutest wittle puppy in the whole wide world?” it responded in a grown mans voice just like “i am the cutest puppy in the whole wide world”
bbanditt: ineedtogotomymindtardis: satanslittledemiangel: that-spook-from-london: foodtrucker: the invention of the shovel was ground breaking but the invention of the broom was the one that truly swept the nation. on the contrary soap washed away the competition and the invention of the CD broke a lot of records. yo the invention of bread was pretty kick ass
hamburgay: “beauty sleep” is such bullshit I sleep 12 hours a day and I still look like a trashcan
I just want to fucking eat everything and I cant eat ANYTHING. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck. Rest day tomorrow though. Thank ya. I’m tired.
saucybacon: do u ever scroll through ur dashboard and think yes i have chosen these people wisely
wongburger: the-vashta-nerada: pleaseremembermefondly: charlisheen: you know what i want to know how the fuck did mr salt and mrs pepper make a fucking cinnamon shaker for a baby solve that mystery steve THAT IS PAPRIKA YOU IGNORANT SLUT EXCUSE ME ASSHOLE THAT IS CINNAMON HE WAS BORN IN THE FOURTH SEASON PAPRIKA LOOKS LIKE THIS THAT’S FUCKING PAPRIKA SHE’S CINNAMON’S OLDER...
operameister: thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble: agentgreenfishy: poselikeateam: fuck-i-just: Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.” Why does this not have any notes? lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?” “Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball...
galaxys4: walk into art class like what up I got a big smock
manboobmaiden: who decided being gay wasn’t manly? gay sex is technically twice as manly, you are literally doubling the amount of men in it
pleatedjeans: schmorgyborgy: I put my cat in a sweater
Maybe if your dick was thicker than your goddamn eyebrows we wouldn’t be having...– Gay couple arguing outside Walmart (via dacelio)
zubat: I’m sorry, sir, I don’t know what is wrong with your car’s engine but if you open and close the hood like this, it looks like the car is talking
tumblr people: TUMBLR IS A BULLYING-FREE COMMUNITY WHERE WE WILL NOT JUDGE YOU ON YOUR APPEARANCE OR SIZE OR GENDER OR SEX OR ORIENTATION AND ALL ARE WELCOME
tumblr people: but if you're 12.9 years old gtfo you're obviously a dumb immature shit
tumblr people: and if you're a white girl then we will make fun of you mercilessly
tumblr people: and if you don't ship a gay ship you must be a homophobe so gtfo
tumblr people: especially johnlock, you MUST be homophobic if you don't ship johnlock
tumblr people: and if you get a fandom reference wrong then we'll laugh at you are pressured into abandoning your blog, leaving it with the title "I didn't know it was from ____________"
tumblr people: and if you're religious you're probably a bible-banging homophobe so we hate you
tumblr people: and if you make a mistake, not out of being a bigot but out of simply being ignorant, we will yell at you rather than first trying to explain to and educate you about why that is a mistake
tumblr people: and don't get us started on how much we'll bait and insult you if you have a different diet to me